Troubles

My collection of running bibs is growing!

I think I may have a sugar problem. Not in the sense that I add sugar to everything; really, the only thing I add it to is coffee. But in the sense that I think I still eat a lot of sugar through other foods.

And I don’t know why I can’t change myself.

Here I am, running nine miles on occasion.

Actually that’s a lie. I ran nine miles twice. More often I run only four and five. But the point is: here I am, running! Burning calories out the wazoo! Sometimes when I do my long runs, the Nike app tells me I ran off 1000 calories.

And I’m impressed with that number! 1000 calories! Hot damn!

Yet the scale number has gone UP. UP, I say! WTF!?

But I know WTF. WTF is my diet. Which is not so bad, but also not closely watched.

And I don’t weigh myself with any regularity. My focus has been on miles and how many I can run. But I’ve noticed my clothes are definitely not getting looser, and in some instances they are getting tighter. So I stepped on the scale and fainted.

You see, I’m a vegetarian. I love my veggies, but I also love my pastas, and I love my marinara sauces that likely have too much sugar, and I REALLY love my chai lattes, and did you know milk has a lot of sugar?

(I’m slowly trying to ease into a vegan lifestyle because factory farming–even for dairy products like milk–is completely fucked up.)

(Also, drinking another animal’s milk? Gross. And yet here I am struggling to stop.)

And I’ll admit, I LOVE my ice cream. I’ve been eating it a lot this week–I don’t buy it, but others in the household do, and I probably eat it before they even have a chance to look at it.

I think I may be a bit of a binge eater in that way. I binge on music too. I’m currently listening to a song that I just discovered and I’ve replayed it approximately 12 17 times now. And I will eat chocolate ice cream until I’ve had my fill, which is usually much, much more than the recommended amount.

But why is changing so hard? That’s what aggravates me. How many Mondays have I decided to Make the Change, only to return to old habits by the end of the day?

And I’m about to start another Monday making that same pledge to change (as I finish my homemade chai latte).

I have another big race to start training for (though only slightly bigger than my last race–a 10 miler in early December). With such a specific timeframe, I always feel that’s a good time to try and change dietary habits, too. The idea is that I’ll be running, eating better, and will do so with a goal in mind and a deadline, so I don’t feel too overwhelmed by giving up my favorites, like chai lattes.

But it seems like I have no will power at times. And I have a very forgiving attitude of You Only Live Once so go ahead and eat four cups of ice cream!

However, I feel sluggish lately. And the clothes, they are too snug. So, I have to keep trying. And I will.

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